Self- deprecation ually, good self put downs?

me and the missus was watching QI on bbc2 last night, one of the revelations was that america was planning to make bombs laden with aphrodisiacs, so-called "love bombs" in the hope that the opposing army would turn gay and start each other on the battlefield. my missus turned to me and said "your a love bomb, you ooze aphrodisia when your near me" quick as a flash i said "nah! i'm more like a nuclear bomb, all over in a flash and the only thing left behind is a messy goo". she gagged on her wine as soon as i said it. whats your best self-deprecating put down ually.?